hxswd's

Have you ever felt like youre sitting all alone , in front of the whole crowd ? You feel like somehow for some reasons , you dont belong there. In fact , you werent even there. Neither your soul nor your minds. Are you a misfit , then ? What makes you to be one ? 

Idk. I just feel empty and dull while the fact that i've been surrounded by a bunch of people. I hardly laugh these past few days. Im changing to a more passive harith, rather than changing to become friendlier. Am i doing the right thing ? Idk either. To begin with , it wasn't an option. I didn't ask to live with these kind of weird feelings, hunting me down silently , killing me from inside without fail. 

Every time i see other people , i always wanted to be like them. I too, want those shiny , nicely trimmed hairstyle. I , too , want those long legs that a guy should have. I too , want the courage and bravery that makes one becomes dependable. I , too , want to feel to be wanted , want to know what it feels like when there are people who always care for you , been there every time you need a shoulder to cry on, never reluctant to spare a second for you, that you could even waste their whole day , talking about anything you want to. I , too , want to feel that. I've been holding these kind of feelings to myself for a long time and i think i cant bear anything any longer. 

Whatever happens next, i can only afford to try my best to stay put. Im trying to get some sleep , with hope that all these crap feelings would fade a way tomorrow. Hope so.